Archive for December, 2009

Reconnect to Your Life Today! An Interview with Jack Kornfield

Friday, December 18th, 2009

In an earlier interview, Jack Kornfield shared with us his insights into mindfulness and psychotherapy. I am thrilled to have him hear again and today he gets practical with us, talking about the importance of creating connection to life, some ways to go about it, and our innate capacities for understanding, well-being, and joy.

For those who do not know Jack Kornfield, let me introduce him. He is one of the true leaders of our time in respect to the marriage of Eastern and Western Psychology. He stands alongside an esteemed group of elders such as Thich Nhat Hanh, Sharon Salzberg, Pema Chodron, and Joseph Goldstein in bringing mindfulness to the west. Not only that, he also holds his PhD in clinical Psychology which makes him so relevant to the connection between mindfulness and psychotherapy.

He co-founded Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachussets and is a founding teacher of the well known retreat center Spirit Rock, in Woodacre, Ca. He has taught in Centers and University settings worldwide with teachers such as Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama. He is also author of many widely popular books translated in over 20 languages, some of which are, A Path with Heart, The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry and his newest book The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology.

Elisha: Jack, one of the things you talk about in your book, The Wise Heart, is creating this sacred connection to life. It’s always been important to me to make things really accessible. What are some practical ways we can nurture our sacred connection to life?

Jack: There are many simple ways we can reconnect and these are things that we all know. First stop, take a breath and listen deeply. You are surrounded by mystery. Open to  the wild variation of human incarnation,  the play of your own consciousness.  Become present where you are. Extend this presence by taking a walk in nature, walk by the ocean, by the mountains,  wherever you are take some time to quiet your mind and open the heart.  Look around when you’re not so hurried and look in the eyes of the people you love or watch the rain clouds scudding by and the amazing colors and the puddles outside the office where you work. Sense the everpresent dance of change, how  your life is  unpredictable and uncertain and then remember that you have the capacity to be present in every moment for its mysterious unfolding.

Another way to reconnect is through ritual. I tell stories inThe Wise Heart about a therapist who worked mostly with trauma victims and people who had been tortured. It was hard to carry these stories and it  was not enough to simply listen. It became  important it was for her to create an altar for that which she held sacred and place on it Buddha and Kwan Yin and Mother Mary and Guadelupe  and Kali and a passage about the mercy of Allah from the Koran. She honored all these different expressions of the divine  and placed them for her clients to see so the people that she worked would also allow a sacred compassion to hold their pain. In some way it helped her too, so she didn’t have to carry all the suffering in her own body and individual psyche.

There is a whole chapter in The Wise Heart on the skillful use of ritual, not in a religious way, but as a reminder to bring us back to that which is sacred. We all know ways to do this. Sometimes it’s as simple as lighting a candle or washing our hands and taking a few mintues to sit quietly and meditate and pray or just return our gazing to the mystery of the maple tree outside our window.

Elisha: My dissertation was around cultivating sacred moments, that was the topic and the actual name of it, and I knew something was happening in our culture when it was published in a mainstream journal. I really came to realize that people have the ability to cultivate these moments and the number one word that came out for most people was this idea of “connection”. That’s what people felt most often was this sense of  connection which was tied to various areas of feeling well and various areas of stress reduction and relaxing into the moment.

Jack: As you can see in reading The Wise Heart , which is brings the western and eastern psychological traditions together, that one of the great underlying principles is that we already contain the wisdom and capacities that we seek, just as your research showed you. Our instinct and intuition, when not blocked, gives us intimate access to well-being, understanding, to a sense of connection and the sacred. When western psychology and psychiatry limits itself to the focus on disease and its cures, the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual) and the medical model of psychology and psychiatry, we only talk about half the game or less. Because there is so much more to life and our  humanity blossoms in our human capacity for connecting, for understanding, for well-being, and for joy. I elaborate  on this with many stories. All of these other capacities are there in us.

We admire these qualities in Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, or the Dalai Lama, people we see as exemplars of this human possibility for the world. When Nelson Mandela walked out of 27 years in Robbin Island Prison after being tortured and confined and was still able to meet the world with enormous graciousness of heart, compassion and forgiveness it demonstrated our human birthright,, our innate capacity to be free inwardly, no matter where we are. There is no one who can imprison our heart and our soul. To know these capacities is extremely important when we try to bring together the great psychologies of the world and move toward collective healing. Psychology is not just about pathology, but it’s about seeing our inner freedom and connectedness, the compassion and the innate dignity and beauty of the human spirit. When we find this beauty in ourselves, then it becomes a gift to those that we encounter or those that we work with.

Thank you so much Jack for being with us and sharing your insights and wisdom.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Awaken Your Life Right Now: Mondays Mindful Quote with Carl Jung

Monday, December 14th, 2009

There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. So for today, here is a quote by Carl Jung:

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”

This is what we’re talking about at the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blog, really awakening so we can be aware of that space in between the stimulus and response (a la Viktor Frankl), and recognize that we have more choices to make more skillful decisions in life.

The answers don’t lie outside of us, they lie inside of us. Rather than dreaming of some distant vision, we can awaken the dream inside of us, right here, right now.

However, in order to do this we need to pay attention to ourselves and sometimes the gifts are in our wounds. Jan Goldstein wrote the book Sacred Wounds which exemplifies this. Through a series of stories and the telling of his own journey, he teaches how we can succeed because of life’s pain.

This parallels recent writings on the upside of depression.

This isn’t too dissimilar from a Rumi quote that I mentioned a bit ago:

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.”

In taking a moment to STOP throughout your day, you are literally breaking out of the habitual routines and moving toward becoming more awake to this life. When you are more awake, you begin to feel like you have more choice in your life.  When you feel like you have more choice, you feel like you have more hope and this is the greatest anti-depressant.

Additionally, as neuroscientists are all teaching us (neuroplasticity), with these new actions we are laying down new tracks in our brains that allow this practice of waking up to become more natural down the road.

So take the opportunity today to take some time-out to wake up! Practice looking inside, even if only for a few moments. Allow this to be a reminder; perhaps you can even do it right now for 1 minute.

1. Take an assessment of how you’re feeling physically, emotionally and mentally.

2. Bring your attention to your breath as an anchor to this moment.

3. Feel into your life.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interactions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Mindful Recovery and Relapse Prevention for the Holidays

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

As family and friends begin to gather during the holidays at one point or another may have to face either ourselves or a loved one with addiction. There are really very few people who are not touched by addiction in one way or another. Addiction comes in the form of alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, eating, sugar, and other compulsive behaviors that are an avoidance strategy and eventually cause distress.

When caught up in the cycle of addictive behavior, there is an inability to accept whatever is being felt in the present moment and the mind is constantly wandering onto the next ‘fix.’ So it’s safe to conclude that addiction often builds a wall of disconnection and makes it difficult to actually be present for the holidays.

If you or someone you love struggles with addictive behavior I recommend checking out the Mindfulness and Addiction series I wrote about earlier in the year.

  1. Mindfulness and Addiction Part I
  2. Mindfulness and Addiction Part II
  3. Mindfulness and Addiction Part III

Aside from those, it may be a good idea to do a bit of preparing and planning for the holidays. Here are some tips:

  1. Plan some activities that don’t focus on alcohol, like games, sports, or talking
  2. Be aware that there may be people who have addictive behaviors and don’t make the flaw of saying, “Hey, how come you’re not drinking?” In other words, don’t bring attention to the fact that someone isn’t drinking.
  3. If you have an addictive behavior, make sure you have a trusty alternative. Remember, cravings often last a maximum of 20-30 minutes. Bring a bottle of water or if sugar isn’t your addiction, make sure to bring some chocolate with you, sometimes sugar can trick the brain into feeling satisfied.
  4. Keep a number on you of a trusted friend or someone who can talk you down if a craving pops up.
  5. Take a time-out and go to the bathroom or outside and practice some mindfulness with urge surfing or another short mindfulness practice, or maybe go on a walk. If you’d like to practice mindfulness as an approach for addiction and relapse prevention, you can check out the CD program Mindful Solutions for Addiction and Relapse Prevention.

You may want to write some of this on a card and take it with you to remember because the brain may not function that clearly when cravings hit.

As much as possible, practice kindness with yourself and others during this holiday.

Please share what works for you below or any comments and questions you may have. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Create Calm in Your Life Today: Mondays Mindful Quote with Thich Nhat Hanh

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. So for today, here is a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh: 

“A tiny bud of a smile on your lips nourishes awareness and calms you miraculously…your smile will bring happiness to you and those around you.”

Back in September I wrote a blog post called Living Without Joy? Thich Nhat Hanh Shares a Secret. Because of the activity surrounding this blog post I thought it was good to bring back up if you missed it, but to also deepen our awareness about not only how our bodies influence our minds (i.e., how smiling can influence our moods), but how we influence one another.

Just think about if everyone you knew walked around with their bodies tense and a grimace and a frown on their face. Let’s say they never really said a word to you, but you had to be around this. How would you feel? You’re mood would likely be influenced by this and you might even start acting like them.

If people walked around you with a sense of calm, smiling at times and with a genuine care to wish you well, you would likely feel a different vibe (note: these people are not walking around with perma-smiles or a Pollyanna nature, but a genuine nature).

At the base of it all, we all want to be cared about and understood. Intentionally smiling at someone is about really wishing them well in this world.

We can do this with friends, family, strangers, and yes, even those who we are having difficulty with.

Here are a few steps to try this out this experiment today (Warning: This could be contagious)

  1. Try the half-smile experiment –  to notice how this affects you physically and your mood
  2. Imagine it - Think of a person you will likely run into today. Get in touch with the kind intention to really wish them well, to be happy, to be free from fear, to be at ease. This can be a teacher, friend, colleague or an acquaintance for now. Picture them in your mind as you say these well wishes to them.
  3. Make it real life – As you walk by them today, smile at them, remembering your well wishes (Note: if you are feeling particularly depressed and this doesn’t feel right for you at this time, that is fine, and I encourage you to revisit it another time).

At the end of the day, this could be helpful for feeling stressed, blue, anxious, relationship problems, and more. Try it out as an experiment without expecting miracles (note: expecting miracles is usually a mind trap which leads to quick negative judgment and the practice often won’t get a fair shake).

Enjoy!

As always, please share your experiences, questions, and comments below. Your interactions provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Change: Interview with Ronald Alexander, PhD

Friday, December 11th, 2009

Today I’m really happy to bring to you Ronald Alexander, Ph.D., who is a licensed psychotherapist in Santa Monica, Ca, practicing mindfulness-based psychotherapy, Director of the Open Mind Training Institute, adjunct faculty at Pepperdine University and Pacifica Graduate Institute, and author of the very interesting new book Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose & Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss & Change. I’ve actually been waiting for a book that weaves mindfulness practice with uncovering our well of creativity with a sense of purpose.

Question: What is the 3-step mindfulness approach to help us navigate difficult changes in our lives while opening up to our creativity in everyday life?  

Ron: In my new book, Wise Mind, Open Mind I discuss a three step process that combines mindfulness meditation, creative thinking and positive psychology to help readers to let go of their past; tune into the present and their core creativity; and move forward with passion and purpose.  This approach allows one to focus on the building of their “mindstrength” — the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment, experiencing the full force of your emotions even as you recognize that they are temporary and will soon dissipate.

Question: In your book you have a wonderful discussion of something we can all relate to…resistance. Can you tell us a bit about the “payoffs of resistance” to us?

Ron: I believe there are five basic payoffs of resistance.  First by resisting change, we can avoid the unknown. What’s familiar may not be terribly comfortable, but sometimes it seems that the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t know. We fear that venturing into the unknown will cause us to discover painful secrets about the world and ourselves that have been hidden from us.   Secondly we can avoid being judged as “strange.” When parents are frightened by their child’s differentness, labeling them as “strange,” they’ll usually try to stifle his creativity. The child, sensing their disapproval and fearing abandonment, can shut down his creative flow and then either tries to conform to his parents’ expectations or acts out, claiming not to care what anyone thinks of him. 

Another payoff is that we can avoid failure. When we fear failure, we tend to overestimate the risk we’re taking and imagine the worst possible scenario-the emotional equivalent of our parents deserting us as children.  The fourth one is we can avoid success. Strange though it may seem, a fear of success can cause as much resistance to change as a fear of failure can. While you may consciously long for a promotion or hope that your romantic relationship will result in marriage, unconsciously you may be afraid of what will happen if these changes occur. The last payoff is that we can avoid feeling guilty. If we take a risk and make a change, we may feel guilty because we’re contradicting what others think we should or shouldn’t be doing with our lives.

Question: How can we move beyond our resistance and access our “core creativity?”

Ron: I list many ways to access one’s core creativity in my book.  One of the most effective ways though is through mindfulness practice. Mindfulness allows us to listen and pay attention to what we might otherwise overlook-whether it’s a fresh idea or a new way of perceiving a situation-enhancing our creativity and letting go of our obstacles to innovation.  I also encourage my patients to dabble in the Arts. Simply dabbling in the fine arts, with no specific goals or intentions, awakens our ability to approach life with greater openness and curiosity. If you feel that you simply have no creative abilities, consider your dreams. Most nights, your mind generates at least a few fantastical images that you can recall upon waking if you slowly bring yourself back into consciousness with the intent of remembering your dreams. I often ask my clients to work with the images of their dreams by meditating on them, writing about them, and exploring them to see what ideas and insights they have to offer. 

Another way to access your core creativity is through Mindful Movement.  Disciplines such as martial arts, tai chi, and yoga are the most well-known ways of quieting the rational mind and opening up to the intuitive mind and its connection to the numinous creative force. Any physical activity that involves discipline and a slowing down of thoughts, from skiing to dance, actually creates new neural pathways in your brain that become roads to innovation.  Finally you need to trust in the creative process.   Artists are often seen as flighty, but in my experience the most successful ones are extremely disciplined. When blocked, they aren’t afraid to shift gears, to take a walk or a long retreat, to pick up a pen instead of a guitar, to break the formula of how they’ve always chosen to connect to their creativity by trying something entirely different. Trusting that they’ll tap into that flow, they persevere long past the point when others would give up.

Question: One of the five hindrances to making change is restlessness. I see this over and over again with the people I work with. Can you explain this a bit and also how to move through it?

Ron: Well on the surface, restlessness may seem like a positive state, because it inspires you to keep moving instead of becoming stagnant. Creative artists talk about having an “itch” or urge to get back into their music or art studio. What they’re describing is a form of creative motivation that’s quite different from restlessness. Most often restlessness is simply undirected, unproductive action, such as puttering or flitting about from one activity to the next, never completing a task. In Buddhist psychology, we refer to this affliction of mind as “monkey mind.”

The hindrance of restlessness can be remedied with comfort and relaxation. Mindfulness meditation can uncover the source of restlessness so that it can be addressed.  It is likely to bring up to the surface of the water the churning thoughts and emotions that have been causing a disturbance from underneath, but after you’ve dealt with them, you can meditate on the remedy of comfort. Generating a feeling of comfort allows the mind’s frenzied activity to slow down, and triggers the sympathetic nervous system to begin releasing calming hormones into the body and slow your heart rate and breathing. In my book I describe the Comfort Meditation that can be used as an antidote at any time.

Question: If you were sitting across the table from someone who was struggling with bringing out their wise and open mind, what advice would you give to them?

Ron: Whether you know you’re ready to change or sense that you should, whether you’re struggling to accept that your circumstances have shifted or you’re feeling stuck or blocked by an unknown force and unable to move forward, it’s important to recognize that change is unavoidable. Life is continually in flux, and even that which seems immutable can be destroyed or altered in an instant. The Buddhists refer to this as the law of impermanence. Nothing stays the same, not even the rocks and the mountains, which rain, snow, and rivers sculpt over time. Each day, millions of your body’s cells die while millions more are born. Stasis is an illusion our egos create to fend off the fear of change.

When change is not your choice, you can’t avoid suffering, but you can choose to view the change as an avenue to personal evolution. You can push aside your perceived limitations and let go of the habits that have provided you with comfort, familiarity, and a false sense of safety, and go forth with fear in check, using creativity to illuminate new paths. You can break out of the dynamic of push and pull, of desire for change and resistance to it, and step past the boundaries of the known. You can recognize that while you may attain some comfort from the habit of trying to control the flow of your life, clinging to the familiar also breeds boredom and discontent. It prevents you from fully inhabiting your life and keeps you mired in regret. It keeps you small.

The secret to successful reinvention is knowing that you don’t have to greet change with apprehension and resistance, focusing on the potential for suffering, because if you take that route, you experience the very suffering you’d hoped to avoid. When it’s time for change, whether you’re losing a loved one, your perfect health, the job you loved, or the lifestyle you enjoyed, you have the opportunity to make your life even better than it is, as unfathomable as that may seem at first.

Thank you Ron!

Please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com