A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. 

So today, I grab a quote from a man who “had a dream” lifted millions of people and whose inspiration is felt all over the world today. Dr. King Martin Luther King, Jr. said:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” 

This reminds me of an earlier blog post I did which quoted Rumi saying:

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.”

On August 28, 1963 Martin Luther King Jr. led a march on Washington to let us all know that he “had a dream”. In this dream he inspired hope, belief, and faith in millions of people. This level of hope no doubt inspired Barack Obama to believe that he indeed could be the first African American President of the United States.

The power of our minds and of belief may very well be one of the most awesome things in life. Henry Ford, father of the concept of assembly lines which so much of our system is currently built on said:

“Whether you believe, you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

We all have messages built into our heads from the youngest of ages that “we can’t.” If we’re at all lucky, we’ve had parents or a role model (like Dr. King) who have inspired us to say “we can.” Whether you believe in his politics or not, you can see that Barack Obama had to drive that message home over and over and over again in order for people to really believe, “Yes We Can.”

Here’s the rub, when we have deeply ingrained beliefs that we can’t either from childhood or from being depressed or anxious or maybe both, these negative thoughts seem so convincing. Even right now, if you’re in the depths of depression you may hear the thought, “I don’t know why I’m reading this, nothing is going to help” or “as if I could see any light or love, nobody loves me, I don’t even love myself.”

It’s sometimes not enough to just challenge our thoughts, we need something more. We need someone who is going to inspire us on a deeper level, emotionally, so we can face our pain (or keep our gaze on the bandaged place) and say, “I see that there is pain right now and I’ll care for it, I can do this.” Ultimately, even if we are inspired by a person outside of us, they are inspiring something within us that has been there all along.

So who was Dr. King inspired by? One of his influences what Mahatma Ghandi who said

“The only devils in the world are those running in our own hearts.”

In a recent interview, Therese Borchard, whose wonderful new book Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes addressed this quote and said:

This quote has been helpful regarding facing my fears. The earlier chapters of my book chronicle all of the disorders I experienced as a child and teenager-OCD, anorexia, substance abuse. I kept running away from the sadness and the depression, which would morph into these other illnesses. So when I finally sat tight long enough to feel the raw depression, that’s when I could begin to heal. As you know well, I think taking a moment of silence to pray or meditate or center ourselves everyday should be part of everyone’s treatment … because when we stop running, we are able to hear what we most need to be whole.

What have been your inspirations in life? Who have been your sources of “light?” As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

I’m very happy to bring to you a courageous woman and brilliant writer, Therese Borchard. She is author of the new book Beyond Blue and also pens the award winning blog Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes. Her blog also often appears on Psychcentral.com and the Huffington Post. The brave writings have caught my heart and apparently many others as they’ve been cited in the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Psychology Today, Redbook, Salon.com, and many more. Therese is the editor of The Imperfect Mom, and I Love Being a Mom: Treasured Stories, Memories and Milestones. With Michael Leach, she is co-editor of A Celebration of Married Life and the national bestseller I Like Being Catholic.

So without further ado:

Elisha: In your new book Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression and Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes, you offer us a courageous, sober, and humorous look into your life and your real life hurdles and blessings. I think one reason people love you so much is that you’re willing to share what most people keep hidden, so we feel connected to you. Why do you choose to be so “naked before the readers…?”

Therese: Thank you, Elisha, for such a kind introduction and an invitation to be interviewed on your wonderful blog. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I would have had the courage to become transparent if I hadn’t been through so much pain. After about 18 months of intense, suicidal thoughts, I finally told God that if I ever woke up one morning and wanted to be alive, that I would dedicate my life to helping those in the same kind of pain. That morning came, and, ironically, a few months later, I was asked to write a blog on depression and spirituality for the site Beliefnet.com.

I remember the exact moment when I stopped caring so much what other people thought of me. I was hospitalized the second time, at Johns Hopkins. The man in the room next to me was beating his head against the walling, wailing that he couldn’t go on. He had been hospitalized for a year. I called my mentor and friend, Mike Leach, from my room and cried to him about being such a failure. “What happened to me?” I asked him. “I used to be successful.” He told me none of it mattered. Not in the end. That even if I was never able to work again, or drive the kids to school, that I would have a full life because I was loved … by him, by Eric (my husband), and by so many others … and that the people who love me don’t care what I do or make of my life. I guess the miracle of that moment is that I believed him, and trusted him. And go the courage to write what comes from the heart without worrying so much about what other people think.

Elisha: There’s a lot of stigma around mental illness and from your writings I know you’ve heard your share.  This stigma can reinforce deep feelings of shame and deepen the grooves of the thoughts of “failure.” Can you share with us a few of these statements, how they’ve affected you and what people should do when they hear them?

Therese: This is ultimately why I wrote the book … to educate people in hopes that we can eliminate some of the stigma. When I was getting ready to send out copies, I made a list of the people who would really “get it” and appreciate the book. I wasn’t going to give a copy to the family members and friends who I thought would shake their head and say something under their breath about victim me being caught up in my wounds. But Eric said to me, “It’s easier to give this to the folks who will agree with you. If you are serious about this mission of educating people about mental illness, I suggest you give it to those who might be confused or ticked off.” So I did. And I received some cold, apathetic responses. I expected that. But a neighbor approached me in tears and said she better understood a family member, and a good friend of mine called me up in tears. “I know I must have been one of those people who said hurtful things to you, and I am so sorry,” she said. “I just really had no idea what you were dealing with until I read this.”

One of the most hurtful statements was when a friend asked me, “Do you WANT to get better?” which suggests that getting better is only a matter of willing ourselves to get better, and that if I stayed suicidal for two years it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. I think, if someone says something like that to me again, I might say, “Does a person with cancer or diabetes want to get better? Would you fault a person because their chemo wasn’t as effective as it should be? Mood disorders are organic illnesses, too, that can’t always be managed with will power and discipline.” Another confusing statement is that antidepressants and other medicine merely suppress your emotions. I have done a fair amount of research on that, so to that person, I would say, “If you are taking too much of a drug or are on the wrong one, maybe, but my experience is that they have allowed me to feel more deeply.”

Elisha: On The Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog I like to take a quote on Mondays and explore how it might be meaningful to our everyday lives.  In your book you quote Ghandi saying “The only devils in the world are those running in our own hearts.” Can you give us the meaning behind this quote for you?

Therese: This quote has been helpful regarding facing my fears. The earlier chapters of my book chronicle all of the disorders I experienced as a child and teenager-OCD, anorexia, substance abuse. I kept running away from the sadness and the depression, which would morph into these other illnesses. So when I finally sat tight long enough to feel the raw depression, that’s when I could begin to heal. As you know well, I think taking a moment of silence to pray or meditate or center ourselves everyday should be part of everyone’s treatment … because when we stop running, we are able to hear what we most need to be whole.

Thank you so much Therese for all your wonderful work!

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

In the beginning of the year I put out the blog post Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Suggestion Box: What Would You Like More of in 2010. One of the suggestions came from Jennifer. She said:

I continue to struggle (15 years) with med-resistant bi-polar disorder where I typically experience severe depression with few manic episodes. There’s such a sense of hopelessness, so I would like to see topics addressing ways to cope when so little works. I would like to see real in-depth articles/discussions on how to continue to go on when the many various approaches fail.

Thank you for what you do here.

There is an enormous world of frustration and despair that builds when we fight against something for so long and very little seems to be shifting this.

There are a number of people in my life that I would look to for answers in how to find hope (the greatest anti-depressant) in the midst of relentless times, including Therese Borchard, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, and others.

In her new book, Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes,
As she does in her blog, Therese courageously expresses her ongoing struggles with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder and lays out a number of things that have helped her. Tara Brach explores the importance of Radical Self-acceptance as a path toward relating differently to suffering. Jack Kornfield is very clear that there may be  no advice or “fix-its” when someone is deeply suffering, but merely being in the presence of another loving person in that moment may be what’s actually best.

A major depressive episode can very well be considered a Trauma (capital “T” because it is a big event) in my mind. What we know about trauma is that when we experience it, the mind becomes hyperattuned to looking for any possible sign of danger that it’s coming again. The problem with this is that when the mind is looking for something so diligently, it is likely going to find it. In other words, any nuance that the depressive episode is happening again triggers the mind into habitual patterns of trying to “fix” the issue.

One example of this is automatic negative thoughts (ANTS). The mind will go into a state of judging the or criticizing whatever seems to be a danger, such as saying, “don’t reach out, it’s much better to just be alone” or “who cares, what’s the point.” The purpose of these ANTS is to keep you away from some potential danger. The problem is, when we’re depressed, the ANTS are utterly convincing and believable and it’s difficult to bring mindfulness to them.

In an earlier interview with Therese Borchard I talked about the importance of distraction at times to interrupt a depressive cycle when you’re in it. Another critical factor is community and support. Therese Borchard’s Community is a great online community to look into. You may also want to join a local support group or have a list of family and friends to call or be with.

When you’re out of it, you may want to look at an earlier blog post I wrote that gives 5 steps to prevent relapse. You can begin creating a “Top 10 Hit List” of your most recurring ANTS and at that time it becomes easier to understand that these thoughts aren’t facts and you can catch them before they bring you to your knees. When you’re not in it, you also may have more courage and ability to bring your attention to your emotional experience and dip your toes in uncomfortable emotions, without judgment. This allows for kindness, compassion, and acceptance to develop which are all resilience factors for the potential relapse.  

Relapse may be a part of your life, but there are ways to reduce its severity and likeliness. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) has been shown to have effectiveness in reducing relapse, but this is for people who are not currently in a depressive episode (because it’s about reducing relapse, not about coming out of a depressive episode).

At the end of the day, while dealing with bipolar disorder or depression can be a deep struggle, it may be worthwhile to inquire what the gifts are from it. Therese Borchard recently wrote a blog post which mentions the Top 10 Good Things about Depression.

May you be free from fear, feel safe and protected, and feel understood and loved.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. What helps you in working with a sense of hopelessness or even experiencing a depressive episode coming on? How do you find hope? Your interactions below create a living wisdom that we all benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com