A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” Our brains are set up to make things in life routine and a phrase many of us unfortunately habituate to is “I love you.”

Think about how many times you say goodbye, get off the phone, or leave for work in the morning with a cursory, “I love you.” What was once a meaningful phrase has now become a habit stripped of its intent. So I’m going to propose something to practice that your mind will likely try and dismiss because of some underlying fear or discomfort. Here it is…

What would it be like to start your phone call or conversation with the people or person you are closest to with intentionally sharing, “I love you.”

Notice what the next thought is that arises in your mind. Is it a judgment or a thought that you can’t do this for some reason or another? Just check on that.

Ask yourself why? What’s so dangerous or uncomfortable about starting a conversation with a phrase which is likely the phrase you would have wished you said more of later on in life when there is greater wisdom from life’s experiences.

It may be that saying “I love you” to start off a conversation leaves you vulnerable in some way, so the judgment that arise are trying to keep you safe.

This isn’t some Pollyanna, let’s all dress up and pretend everything is roses. You would only say this if you really felt that way about the person you were talking to.

The effect I’ve found with people who do this in relationships is that it immediately sets a different and more caring tone for the conversation. If you’re used to having arguments or conflicts and you start the conversation out this way, it creates a different ground for the relationship to be more resilient. The negative thoughts aren’t quite as sticky.

You might consider trying this out as an experiment so you can let your experience be your teacher instead of the automatic judgments that arise out of fear.  It’s just worth being curious what the obstacle to love is in our lives as it truly is a major natural healing source.

Share this with your partner or close friend, try it out as an experiment, without expectations of any miracles and see what unfolds. You might just be surprised.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interactions create a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Thanksgiving can be considered a reminder to intentionally consider what we’re grateful for. But what would it be like if we treated this thanksgiving as a launch pad to really begin integrating more gratitude into our lives?

Sometimes the suggestion to integrate gratitude can seem trite or too simple to really be a remedy for our difficulties in life. So, why would we want to do that?

For the same reason that neuroscientists are finding that discipline can retrain our brains (e.g., neuroplasticity). So when we’re exercising or practicing meditation, the idea is not to do these with the goal of “being relaxed” in mind, but to do them to lay down new tracks in the brain so that our “auto-pilot” doesn’t automatically default to ineffective and destructive habitual strategies in the future.

Instead, when two roads diverge in a wood (in the brain), we will begin to recognize more often that there is a choice and we don’t need to be so self critical, or erupt in a rage, or binge eat, or isolate. This can only really happen as these tracks are laid down.

Robert Emmons and Michael McCollough (2003) conducted a study a while back called Counting Blessings versus Burdens. He split up a few groups of people and had one group count 5 blessings per day, one group count 5 burdens per day and one group just write about neutral events. As you may have guessed, the ones who counted blessings, experienced less stress and more feelings associated with well being.

Now counting our blessings is not meant to be a miracle cure, so we aren’t to expect miracles.

Instead, we can think of it as laying down new tracks in our brains each time we do it. The immediate result is not really the point; it’s more about retraining our brains.

So, this thanksgiving, feel free to be present with your gratitude, also be present with your discomfort (which also comes up for many during this time.). It doesn’t need to be either gratitude or discomfort; both may be present throughout the holiday. So we can approach them both with mindfulness.

However, invite yourself on this holiday to start an intentional program toward paying attention to what you are grateful for in life. You may make it a practice every night or every morning. It need only take a minute or so.

This will begin the rewiring. It’s as if seeds are being planted and every time you do this, they are being watered. It may take a while for the plants to grow, but they will.

Let me start…I’m truly grateful for all of you who have been following the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blogs. I know I say this a lot, but your interactions truly inspire others and leave a trail of wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Be well,

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

So here we are, a few days before Thanksgiving in the United States and so taking this moment while reading these words to really consider what you are thankful for. When we think of what we’re thankful for we often think of the light in our lives. Who and what represents the light in our lives?

The poet Hafiz writes in his poem “It Felt Love”:

How did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its being,
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too frightened

This is so true. It becomes easier to open up and reveal our own gifts to this world when we feel positive loving encouragement within. While for some the holidays are a time of connection and being with family and friends, for others it’s a source of stress only reinforcing a sense of loneliness and difficulty.

Nevertheless, here is an opportunity to do a practice inspired by this poem that can help us cultivate a sense of gratitude and lovingkindness during this time.

Here is short practice to feel that encouragement of light during this time:

1. Think of a person or animal who represents light, who represents a loving and kind presence in your life. This can be a good friend who is alive, maybe someone who has passed away, a pet, or maybe a spiritual figure such as the Dalai Lama, Jesus, or even the hand of God.
2. Take a moment to imagine that presence here, with you, looking into your eyes.
3. Now imagine that person saying to you, “May you be safe and protected from inner and outer harm,” “May you be happy,” “May you be free from fear,” “May you be healthy in body and mind.” You can also create your own wishes and aspirations here.
4. Now turn toward that person and say that with the same intention to them.
5. Now imagine your family and friends with you (those who you feel difficulty with and those who you feel more ease with) and with intention, saying those same words.

Take a moment to just feel into how you are doing and whatever is there, just letting it be.

We all know that Thanksgiving is just a reminder to cultivate gratitude in our lives. May this be a springboard for you to cultivate this sense of gratitude and lovingkindness, which even though it may come with some uncomfortable feelings at times, can be a source of much psychological healing and feelings of well-being.

I deeply thank all of you who have been following the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blog posts and for interacting below as your posts truly create a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Here it is, thrust on us again.  Thanksgiving is coming up for all of us in the United States and it urges us to consider all the things in life that we are grateful for. The mind may resist this for all its mysterious reason, but the fact is, practicing gratitude has been found to have enormous benefits to our mental health.

Meister Eckhart said,

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

So here we are in this moment, reading this post, and I’m inviting you to do a 1-minute practice of the things in life you are grateful for. If your mind is restless and wants to skip past this short exercise, check-in and see if there’s any discomfort. Sometimes we actually have discomfort to considering what we are grateful for and skip over a practice that has been proven to be beneficial in respect to experiencing a sense of life satisfaction and encouraging comfortable emotions in our lives.

We often take our lives and the people in them for granted. Take this moment to consider what it is you are grateful for and actually express it in the comments below. You can use a pseudonym, that’s perfectly fine

Here are some examples to get you started:

1. Do you have freedom of speech, the right to vote, and the freedom to practice personal religion?
2. Are there people in your life that you are appreciative of?
3. Has anyone smiled at you today?

The fact that you’re alive means there’s more right with you than wrong with you and we can be grateful for what’s right.

I promise, there’s not better time than now to do this. As you share it below, you encourage this in others and this could have a profound effect on many of us as we move through this holiday season.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

In the villages around Reggio Emilia Italy lived a woman named Loris Malaguzzi. After World War II Loris and other parents felt that children were inherently curious and needed a curriculum that was more play based and self-guided. They thought that in these critical early years, it was the children’s interests that should be of utmost importance.

Loris Malaguzzi said:

“Each child is unique and the protagonist of his or her own growth. Children desire to acquire knowledge, have much capacity for curiosity and amazement, and yearn to create relationships with others and communicate.”

Well, the fact is, we were all children at one time or another and have an innate sense of what children need.

So today this is your blog, take a moment to think and contribute below an answer to the following question:

Question for you: What is it that children actually need to thrive?

Let’s send this around the world and put our heads and hearts together here, your contribution below provides a living wisdom that many generations can benefit from.

I’ll start…see below.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com