A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

In the foreword to Steve Flowers’ and Bob Stahl’s book Living with Your Heart Wide Open, psychologist and mindfulness teacher Tara Brach says that “If we cannot embrace our own frightened and vulnerable hearts, we cannot love our world.”  I think this sentence pretty much sums up the ongoing struggle most of us have with life.

In a world often devoid of a true sense of community, we grow up searching for how to belong. Social isolation is our greatest fear and many of us grow up with the mantra “There’s something wrong with me” feeding a cycle of unworthiness and shame. How we relate to our “frightened and vulnerable hearts” makes all the difference.

Imagine if you grew up in a world where the expression of your vulnerabilities and fears was met with someone just listening to you non-judgmentally and with a sense of really caring. How would you feel? If I had to guess, I would say safe and secure.

Imagine if you truly understood that deep down everyone shares these vulnerabilities and fears. How would you feel? My guess is connected.

The foundation of mental health is feeling safe, secure and connected.

In their book, Steve and Bob share with us how mindfulness training can help heal our shame and cultivate a sense of worthiness that can open up many doors of possibilities we may never thought existed.

Mindfulness isn’t only about cultivating a greater awareness of the inner workings of our minds and bodies; it’s about healing our past wounds (that are currently present) and experiencing the self love and compassion that deep down we have always needed.

When we run away from our fears and vulnerabilities by either shutting down, turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or checking out with our phones,  we send ourselves the message that we are “not worth” paying attention to, feeding a cycle of unworthiness. When we’re able to locate that feeling and wrap it around a caring awareness, we send the message that we are “worth” paying attention to, feeding a cycle of worthiness.

It’s really that simple, but the practice isn’t easy because it’s flying in the face of very old and rigid beliefs about how you see yourself.

Maybe your feelings weren’t validated growing up or you were neglected emotionally, leaving you with the belief that you’re not worth being loved.  Or maybe when you were young, being vulnerable was met with some kind of attack. Now your reactions of avoidance are operating on auto-pilot just feeding an unhealthy conditioning leaving you feeling stuck.

Gently beginning to open your heart with compassion and dip your toes into your vulnerabilities is the path toward healing. In my experience, mindfulness provides a very practical and gentle way to do this.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

We’ve all heard the come adage that “It is what it is,” telling us that whatever is happening is simply the reality of the current experience. But I like to add on another piece saying, “It is what it is, while it is.” This speaks to a larger reality that whatever is here is also impermanent. Bringing this saying with you throughout the day could have beneficial effects for a range of difficulties from everyday stress to anxiety to depression and even addiction.  Here’s how…

As automatic negative thoughts start creeping into your mind and you notice an irritability starting to creep in, saying “it is what it is, while it is” pops you out of auto-pilot, into the present moment and reminds you that there’s impermanence to this feeling. This reminder helps you not get so wrapped up in it and can also give you the choice to be kinder to yourself. This can help stop a spiral into a deeper depression.

When cravings in the form of desiring thoughts and urges in the form of physical impulses raise their heads, saying “it is what it is, while it is” externalizes these reactions, giving you some distance from them and enough room to choose a different response. Maybe the new action is surfing the urge and not engaging with the addictive behavior.

As the mind gets triggered into the “what if” game, looking at upcoming scenarios through a catastrophic lens, saying “It is what it is, while it is,” reminds you that you just got triggered into a mind trap and can now recognize the fear or anxiety that is currently there. The thoughts are not facts, but the feeling is. You can begin to recognize that the anxiety has a life of its own and is subject to the natural law that all things come and go.

The phrase “It is what is, while it is” isn’t mean to be a panacea to stress, anxiety, depression or addiction, of course you’ll want to integrate this into the other avenues you have found to be helpful along with finding a supportive community whether that’s a therapist, a group of peers or friends, or another form of communal support. It is meant to be a helpful tool along the way that can break up the automatic reaction just long enough to insert more space for choice to engage a difference response.

Depending on the level of difficulty, that response could be engage in the greater art of distraction or maybe approaching the vulnerable feeling with warm presence of kindness and compassion. Inevitably this is the road to transforming the feeling and giving you a greater sense of self-reliance.

Of course, saying “It is what it is, while it is” can also be used with our more comfortable emotions to give a sense of their preciousness, to elicit a sense of gratitude and savor the goodness while it’s there.

Go ahead and bring this into your day, treat it as an experiment without any judgment or expectations. See if it breaks up the habit for enough of a time to allow for a new way of thinking or responding.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom that we can all benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

In my life, as in many people’s, my in-basket is never empty. A story is created in my mind that there is so much “to do” that “I don’t have time” for the less important tasks. I have clients that I see along with a number of projects that I engage with when I’m not seeing clients. This morning I found that same story about not having time invading my mind, creating tension in my shoulders and making me irritable. My 2 year old son has an abudance of energy as many of them do and wanted to get outside with me for a little bit. In the face of the screaming voices inside my head telling me to “get to work” I decided to take him out. What happened?

As we walked outside and started to play I realized that I don’t have that much time before he grows from the stage of life. My mind imagined him as a teenager not wanting to spend time with me, but wanting to be alone or with his friends. It then jumped to him at 18 heading off to college (at least that’s my idea for him). I thought, “I’ll never be able to return to this time of life, but I’ll always be able to return to my work.”

In that moment I gave myself permission to be with him for 15 minutes and soak in this time of life. This is what I have termed present nostalgia, allowing the mind to recognize the sweet precious impermanence of this time while actually living it.

Is it really true that we don’t have the time to live as if it mattered or is this just a story in our minds?

You tell me.

Please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com

What I’m about to say is likely not going to be news for you, but it’s a critical reminder nonetheless. On the whole, we don’t have the cultural or individual maturity to handle the speed of innovation today. Technology is giving us incredible powers to get all kinds of information at our fingertips, but our minds don’t know how to control themselves. We multitask to get more done at once. One incredibly dangerous way more and more people are doing this is by checking email, text, and chat while they’re driving.

Ghandi said, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

As you read that quote you may have the common thought, “Of course, life isn’t all about increasing speed.”

Somehow our rational minds get that quote, but when it comes to the auto-pilot of everyday life, we’re drawn into a herd mentality of getting things done as quickly as possible so we can continue to get more done.

More than ever I find people (including myself at times) with a complete confusion around the notion of taking time to do absolutely nothing. Doing nothing means just sitting or lying down and resting. Why would we ever do that? Seems like such a waste of time.

Yet, this is what we long for when we go on relaxing vacations, to just sit around a pool or a park and just do nothing, sounds wonderful in that context.

I think it’s worth reconsidering how we’re spending our time. Do we turn on the tube, check our phones or get on the computer as soon as there’s a space to fill?

What about taking a short period in the week to just sit or lie down and do nothing? If you have an intimate partner, what about just lying down with them and doing nothing, maybe just free associate and talk. This is an especially great idea if you’re having relationship or communication issues. If you have kids, do this after you put them to bed. Even just 10 or 15 minutes is great.

So, what are you waiting for schedule in some nothing doin’ today. Don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself, and let your experience be your teacher.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Reposted from Elisha Goldstein’s Mindfulness Blog on Psychcentral.com